January 25, 2005

Last Quivering

The constant, droning prattle in the television media on all this snow in the northeast is working my nerves. I remain totally unmoved; after all, here it is, Lower Alabama, cold as shit (just wrong on so many levels), colder than the proverbial witch's titty, and I would sell my soul for a snow day, a day to legitimately lay out of work (a tree fell on my driveway, sorry!), drink hot cocoa by the family hearth, with my chirn, and schlump around in my pyjamas all day long. Winter fucking wonderland! My slacker fantasies, realized, in a very concrete way.

Earlier today, The Weather Channel was predicting a "wintry mix" for my house on Friday night. That forecast lasted all of seventeen minutes; now the prediction for my zip code is "nasty cold drizzle". Shit. Typical.

Snow day. I know, I know, you yankees don't get snow days. Well, fuck all that, you're yankees, you knew what you were getting into when you decided to live up there. Do you think we get "heat days" off down here, during the summer? No, we do not. My people drive poorly on slippery cold stuff, producing news footage of jaws-of-life level auto wreckage that your people laugh at. Your people die like flies in heat that we experience on a daily basis in the summer, and we laugh at you pussies, too. It is the way of things. That doesn't mean I can't be just the teensiest bit jonesy for some of your weather. Just a day or two. That's all I ask.

I'd even settle for an ice storm. Okay...hail?

Posted by Queenie at January 25, 2005 10:59 PM

Back in the 70's (before the crawl) I lived at the end of a cul de sac dead end street. At the top of the hill lived a deaf couple who had six children. The kids knew that mom and dad couldn't hear what the TV was saying about school, but they knew that if the streets were icy - well, no school.

So the little bastards would slip out at night when it was really cold and hose the damned street down and ice the whole hill. "Look mom, no school."

How do you explain to your boss that you can't get out of your driveway because of the solid sheet of ice when there hasn't been a cloud in your southern sky for a week and a half...

Posted by: Circa Bellum at January 25, 2005 11:26 PM

Hop on over to my site...I spent an hour and a half taking some pictures around the San Tan mountains...maybe it'll give you momentary warmth.


Posted by: Madame Butterfly at January 26, 2005 12:18 AM

I grew up in Missouri and remember lots and lots of snow and ice days when I was growing up when it was too dang cold to even let the kids wait out for the bus and we got to stay home...Of course, we'd generally spend the day shoveling off our pond for about 2 hours and skating for about 20 minutes.

I don't miss that white crap at all...and remember, June isn't far away...For those of us who don't live on the coast, tropical storm/hurricane days off work are always possible and much appreciated.

Particularly if a tree doesn't crash through our roof or our roof doesn't blow off or our house doesn't get flooded.

So, hurricanes aren't as much fun as 2 feet of white cold fluffy stuff, but hell girl, snow isn't fun if you live in it either.


Posted by: catzmeow at January 27, 2005 08:50 AM

Never...Ever...say you'll settle for an Ice Storm.

Trust me on this.

Posted by: Sam at January 27, 2005 03:57 PM

You don't even want to trade weather. Rain looks like paradise when you've gotta scrape you rig off every mornin' that that bitch mother nature left on it the night before while you tried to sleep. Snow day my ass. When, when, is the last time you heard of somebody north of the mason-dixon gettin' a "heat day" off? Q, we work all the damned time. If there's a "snow day" around here, it's only for schools. I've been at my place of bniss for 18 years and NEVER had a day that was "punted" due to mother natures misdeads. No, I don't work for the post office either... This constant barrage of cold and dark wears on you like you wouldn't believe. It's mid January, and I'm jonesin' for spring already. I'm ready to holla "uncle", I despise this weather. I don't honestly know how Jim puts up with it, it damn near kills me every year. When they're outta High School, I'm outta Ohio. If I have to pump ethyl in NC, I'm gonna move there. Sorry for the rant, but I'm freezin' my tukus off 'bout now.

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