January 29, 2005

For Momma

She wanted me to bring it up - all but triple dawg dared me - and girl, you know it's true:

Everyone fucking hates a suck-up.

Unless, of course, you're the one getting sucked at any given moment. Then the suck-up seems pretty cool, because you're the suck-recipient, the one being verbally or textually serviced. But to the casual, outside observer...? They thinkin', "brown nose" and "target".

I can say it. I've sucked up. I've been sucked up to, in my day. I have experience in these matters. Everyone sees it; suckupage is transparent like that.

I'm not talking about anything or anyone specific, you understand - God forbid that I be accused of casting aspersions. I don't even know any suckups personally. But there are certain undeniable patterns of human behavior, some of which Momma and I discussed in a telephone conversation this afternoon. We got to thinking. And she dared me to post on it.

So, yeah. Suck-ups. Love. Hate.

Don't hate the playa, hate the game.


I see that I need to clarify my suckuppance position: this post was not a cryptic reference to something that other bloggers aren't "in" on! My blogmomma and I got to talking one afternoon, about some of the commentors you see on the Big Dawg blogs - the ones that allow comments, that is. Ninety percent of folks are nice, complimentary, friendly, normal, nine percent of folks disagree with whatever it is that the Big Dawg is barking about, and then there are the one-percenters - the suckups.

You can tell the suckups - which are mercifully few in number - from the nice, normal people, because the suckup gushes. The suckup models his or her own blog after the Big Dawg, hoping to attract via emulation. The suckup will toe the line in head-bobbing agreement, with whatever the Big Dawg posts about, whether that be masturbatory fantasies about Nazis and duct tape to off-the-wall speculations about whether or not Karl Rove has a weather-controlling device. Finally, the suckup will dump your ass cold when a Bigger Dawg comes along to suck up to.

And that was the point of the whole thing - that suckupage is noticeable, and everyone hates it when they see it.

This is not to say that any of my beloved visitors are suckups. Hell no; I appreciate each and every hair on your precious little heads. This is not to cast aspersions on anybody. If you asked me to name a suckup off the top of my head, I'd be at a loss. But - they're out there, people. You've seen it, I've seen it.

I ain't trying to be mean, and I don't have someone in my sights. I'm trying to be scrupulously honest.

Posted by Queenie at January 29, 2005 01:49 AM

Suddenly, I want a warm raspberry between my lips...odd.

Posted by: Bane at January 29, 2005 03:25 AM

Or as I have been known to say: Men suck. At least the GOOD ones do.

Okay. Yeah, that had nuttin to do with your subject.

I may have sucked up to you at one time. Or at least given the impression of same. Can't help it. Love your writing.

Love you like fire, girlfriend. Don't change a hair for me.

Posted by: Margi at January 29, 2005 03:46 AM

Kiss my ass, Queenie.

I feel better now. That was very liberating. Purged of suckupitiveness.

Posted by: Velociman at January 29, 2005 11:14 AM

And now that I KNOW you'll take a dare, I'll just be contemplating the next one!

(You did a beautiful job btw, but I can't help thinking that I should have dared Acidhead to post on this topic... :D)

Posted by: Key at January 29, 2005 11:06 PM
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