March 24, 2005


Have you seen this new television commercial for America Online, the one in which the two guys are going through the lunch line together? No? Lemme 'splain:

These two guys are in a lunchroom line; one guy is short, and holds a tray containing a sandwich, the other is a tall guy who has his sandwich on a plate in his hand. Short guy tells tall guy that he still doesn't understand why he needs AOL on top of his broadband connection. Tall guy looks at him, puts his plate down on short guy's tray, and covers it with a plate-warmer. Now that tall guy has both hands free, he tells short guy that the sandwiches on the tray are computers - short guy's naked sandwich is a computer without AOL, and the other sandwich is his computer covered up by the plate warmer, which - wait for it - symbolizes AOL. The tall guy then begins dumping chili and desserts all over the tray, saying things like, "imagine these are computer viruses!" and "look, a pop-up ad!". He then invites short guy to compare and contrast the two sandwiches after the dumping - the one with the cover, of course, being untouched and the one without a nasty pile of ham, bread, chili, jello, and cake. He then asks short guy which one he'd want...

Which is bullshit! False goddam advertising if I ever saw it. Yes, AOL provides a sort of virus protection to its members, and blocks pop-ups...that is, it blocks the pop-ups and viruses it recognizes, just like any other privacy/protection software setup. Now, traditionally AOL is a service for the internet beginner or novice, or someone interested in strict family controls - I realize this doesn't apply in every case, there are some advanced users who prefer AOL - but in general, their own marketing suggests a target on the ass of people who don't know the internet all that well. And what does this commercial tell 'em, the poor things? That with AOL, they will be totally safe! They can go anywhere - click on anything - it's okay, because their hard drive is under a plate warmer!

Yeah. And try getting customer service from AOL when you get a virus. Which you will, because without a little basic knowledge of what to avoid, what not to open, etc., all the virus protection the technology currently provides cannot help you. Dammit, AOL is just downright lying to the public about its capabilities. Fuckers.

Oh, and while we're on the subject of commercials: would someone please stifle that woman who does the television ads for Overstock-dot-com? The O? God in heaven. I don't think she could be more annoying if she tried. "It's all about the O..", in her breathy whisper, as she shakes her ratty-ass looking hair down out of that ponytail...woman, how 'bout, "It's all about the knuckle sandwich..." in my hoarse half-scream? Huh? Huh?

PMS, or just a mite touchy today? Ahh. The feminine mystique.

Posted by Queenie at March 24, 2005 08:33 PM

All points well taken, except for the last sentence. Nothing mutually exclusive there, right? I live in the Estrogen Sea. Just saying.

Posted by: Velociman at March 24, 2005 09:55 PM

At the start of that ad, I lunge for the Astroglide. Alas, I am then distracted by the glass of wine parked in front of it, and end up frustrated. That redhead has initiated some lovin around the Bane-Hold.

Posted by: Bane at March 25, 2005 12:20 AM
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