April 01, 2005

Dirty Bird

Yes, I am still up. I would attribute my wakefulness to my late-morning nap, mentioned below, but I am actually sleepy. Very sleepy. I cooked a smashing dinner tonight, if I do say so myself, had a glass of wine or two...and my stomach has been urging me bedward since about nine o'clock. No, it wasn't the nap - it's that fucking bird.

Don't ask me what kind of bird it is - I am a retard in matters ornithological. Also, the bird only starts with his bullshit when the sun goes down, so I don't know what he looks like, either. When the rain finally stops, though, I'm taking a pellet gun after that fucker. I'll find out what he got-damn looks like...through a sight.

TWEET. A monotone, a squeaky wheel. TWEET. A door that needs oiling, a car that needs brakes. TWEET. TWEET. TWEET. TWEET. TWEET. A dying dryer, a sharp-tined fork on rough stoneware. TWEET, MUTHAFUCKAS!!!!!!

He's somewhere in the backyard, that shitass bird - I do know that much. You can, however, hear that winged rat from any point in the house. In the shower. In an electrical storm. Over the dishwasher, which is roughly equivalent to a Boeing 767 in takeoff mode. Laying in bed with a pillow over one ear and the other pressed to the mattress. It's driving me crazy.

Fucking birds, man...


Posted by Queenie at April 1, 2005 01:06 AM

It might be your bluebird of unhappiness!!

Posted by: vipergirl at April 1, 2005 07:46 AM

likely a mockingbird. they suck.

Posted by: lt. dan at April 1, 2005 10:02 AM

Mock this! KA-BOOM!

Posted by: Dana at April 1, 2005 10:46 AM

get a cat. or two.

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