Queenie Gets Mad

Have you ever taken an instant and unreasonable dislike to someone you don't know? A mostly-unjustifiable hatred? I have, but I am an admitted and unrepentant bitch; also, as a blogger and blog-reader, sometimes I just have a sense, as soon as I set foot on a particular site, that I would despise the author of said blog in real life. The sensation is extremely rare, but every once in a while I end up on a site that gives me that frisson in my guts and I just know that spending time with the person behind the page would be torture, like dental surgery without the novacaine. I found a blogger today that I would like to boil in oil. May I share? May I go off? May I melt your earlobes with my vented spleen?

No? Hit the back button, jackass, because I'm going to anyway. It's Queenie's World. Duh!

I followed a link this afternoon, from the blog of a friend to the blog of an unknown quantity. I'd been noticing an increase in said unknown quantity's comments on multiple blogs that I like, and I must say that, in general, the tone of the comments this person regularly leaves led me, by itself, straight to the frisson described in the paragraph above. Initially, I wasn't super-revolted by the site that popped up - pretty standard, really, but not a good blog at all. Some lame attempts at humor, some me-too politics, some tired-ass quizzes that everyone I know did two years ago...so I scrolled down the page, analyzing the writing and the content. You know, generally checking the place out, like one tends to do when one visits a site that is new to one's sphere.

A few posts down and I, like Yosemite Sam, had steam coming out of my ears. I find myself requested, mid-page, to take a blogging Oath, whereby I swear not to blog about parenting or childrearing, so as not to bore the hell out of my readers, thereby reducing the crap-content of the blogosphere overall. How proud the author is that nobody the author knows blogs so shittily! How positive the blogger is that everyone understands that nobody can make anything interesting or enlightening out of that tired old cant!

Oh, heaven forfend that my readers get bored! Oh, all the posts about my kid on my other blog - the tired old thousand-a-day hitter - how they're just haunting me now.

Not.

Let me tell you something, nameless blogger - and no, I won't link you, wouldn't want all my "boring" and potentially childbearing readers flooding your oh-so-sacrosanct partyspace - if you don't want to read posts about kids, about families, I suggest you start by getting the hell away from most of the blogs I see your smelly tracks on, because most of those are parents. Fathers, anyway... Likewise, neither should you visit 65% of the other blogs out there, since many of them are written by adult people, some of whom have kids, adult people who are occasionally shameless and self-indulgent enough to write about their children.

How dare you presume to dictate what I write, you dull-witted twat - or what anyone else writes, for that matter? I don't presume to lecture you about your all-sex-all-the-time taste in post content, or your invalid assumptions about the power of your own intellect, or the drawing power of your online persona, do I? No, I do not, you dumb cunt.

So...hon? Fuck you and the Oath you rode in on. Your site doesn't totally suck - but call me when you grow up. Until then, I'll stick with blogging what strikes my fancy, and I'll stay far, far away from you. After all, I'd rather read a post about a child than one written by one.

A post-script, months later: I was an asshole to have even posted this shit. No surprise to my regular readers, but there it fucking is. Believe me, my ass has been ridden over this post for months now. I'd delete it, but then it would seem like I was covering it up, and I ain't a coward. A cunt, maybe, but not a coward. I hurt somebody's feelings - unwittingly, because I never thought she'd even see this, but she did, and I'm sorry for it.

Posted by Queenie at November 27, 2004 11:23 PM