Mommas, Don't Let Your Babies Grow Up To Be The Computer Guy

Otherwise, they'll never get a bloody day off. Why? Because people are assholes, that's why, and if there's one thing I can count on this holiday season - every holiday season - it's being woken up at the fucking crack each got-damn day by some sales putz who's trying to work from home and hasn't read the memo.

Seven of the bloody clock. Christmas vacation. First day off in months. The phone rings. A groggy Queenie - who drank (&ctra) heavily last night in anticipation of a morning to sleep it off - picks up and grunts violently into the receiver.

"Queenie? Is that you? Hi, it's Bob, from Sales. I'm trying to send some specs to Beijing and my e-mail's not working..."

Never mind, Bob, that I spent hours earlier this week, explaining to each and every salesman that they must change their SMTP with their service provider. Never mind the tech bulletin-slash-memo that I carefully crafted during unpaid overtime hours and included in each laptop case, the memo with the easy-to-read, step-by-step instructions, on how to send mail from anywhere. Never mind that I'm on vacation, that I'm sleeping, that I'm still too drunk to even be considered hung-over. Nooo. Too much trouble, thinking. Easier for the asswipe to call me at home, at seven in the morning, and demand that I just "walk him through it".

Bob, if you had any inkling of the pharmacopia I'd ingested in the last twelve hours, you adamantly would not ask me to walk you through anything. You'd know better. You'd read the memo and run for your life.

Dumbass. "My e-mail's not working." Neither will anything else on your computer, when I get done "walking you through" this problem...

Finished...and the phone, ladies and gentlemen, is off the hook. For the duration.

There will be no recourse for Bob until Monday morning, the shithead. I'm going back to bed. Queenie has left the building.

Posted by Queenie at December 23, 2004 10:09 AM