December 28, 2004

Scattered Pictures

I did a Google search for images of (long pig) Michael Moore this evening (photoshop project, another site), and look what I came across in the process:

(You find amazing things on Google images. No, I don't know who these folks are).

Ahh. Misty, water-color memories...of the ti-tty bar...

Actually, the woman on the left looks a lot like a "Misty" I once knew, back in my days as a cocktail waitress at the Parachute Lounge. Misty was a stripper, a tall skinny hill-woman with a beautiful face (when her mouth was shut - terrible teeth), lank, dark hair, and a baby-chewed body. Misty was not one of the more attractive strippers I have known, no, but she was prized above gold among a certain segment of the clientele, the segment whose fantasies involved a "real" woman actually speaking to them.

I went out with Misty and her boyfriend "Hawg" after work at the titty bar one Saturday night. Misty and I smoked a fatty in my car on the way to their trailer for some cocktails; we arrived to find Hawg and his friend Tick cutting out lines of crystal meth and watching a porno. It was creepily uncomfortable in that single wide - Hawg and Tick were obviously dangerously fucked up and horny, and I had the feeling that my relative virtue was in serious peril. I declined the offer of free crystal meth and resolved to leave after one drink. I assume it was Hawg who slipped the roofie in my Jack and Coke, in hopes of a four-way.

Alas, poor Hawg underestimated my battle-hardened CNS; I was still able to limp back to my college town in the Honda, sixty miles away, only to collapse unconscious when I reached the relative safety of my boyfriend's front porch. My boyfriend had to carry me inside like a sack of taters.

Like the corners of my mind, baby.

Posted by Queenie at December 28, 2004 11:46 PM

Gosh, for the life of me, I can't understand why you'd want to take a pass on a hunka hunka burning love like that...


Posted by: catzmeow at December 29, 2004 10:48 AM

Is "Jabba the Butt" wearing a Rocky Horror shirt? Yes, I believe he is. "Misty" must be hoping to do the "Time Warp" and head back to Transexual Transylvania.
No strip joint pays enough to put up with that kind of treatment. *shudders*

Posted by: Wichi Dude at December 29, 2004 11:41 AM

Look, I ain't exactly a "physical specimen", unless you're an alien, but that is a.big.boy and a.little.girl. Crap, she'd need a crane to move the furniture to even attempt a lap dance. Hell, I'd almost pay to _see_ that one. Just think of the logistics... well on second thought..., don't.

Queenie, I'm glad your Honda had autopilot and your boyfriend was kind enough to "tuck you in".

Posted by: RedNeck at December 29, 2004 06:42 PM

definitely NOT at Plat Plus in Memphis...probably that skanky dive off printer's alley in Nashville...

Posted by: Circa Bellum at December 29, 2004 09:20 PM

...and I would have passed out cold after the Jack and Coke. Uggh.

BTW, IS that a man on the right?

Posted by: Key at December 29, 2004 10:37 PM

"...battle-hardened CNS..."

I love it. I think I have one of those myself, plus a well and oft-challenged liver.

Posted by: Jim - PRS at December 30, 2004 03:22 AM

Where is that tity bar?

Posted by: Catfish at December 31, 2004 12:48 AM

Those bastards! They promised me they wouldn't post that picture...I look like a freakin' deer in headlights.

Posted by: Howard at December 31, 2004 08:30 PM

you shouldn'tve passed on the free crystal meth :P. it mightve kept you more awake, i know it does when your drunk, it just couteracts it then ur just spun, not drunk anymore...i don't know about with the other shit he slipped you tho.

Posted by: Mfan at February 26, 2005 10:59 AM
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