February 23, 2005

In Which I Am Not As Cheap As Usual

Now that I have found the Kinko's, the lure of fast access is more that I can bear. I cannot ride by and not stop - seeing the machines through the luridly neon-lit panes of floor-to-ceiling glass, all hooked up to the regular internet, is like holding a crusty horse-spoon up to a junkie's face. A slobber-coated, urine-stained, detoxifying junkie. Resistance is fucking futile; we are Borg. Of course, I have to pretend to be running out for a pack of smokes just to get over here - my mother-in-law doesn't understand in the slightest what's "wrong with" the Inlaw Computer, and blanches visibly at the thought that I might be willing to pay actual money to use a computer at Kinko's "when there's a perfectly good com-pu-ter right there in the living room". As a consequence, she now thinks I smoke like a chimney. Which is fine. Three packs a day keeps the Red-Hatters at bay.

It's funny how little things on the internet, things you never notice, bug the shit out of you when you're paying by the minute. I caught up with my blogroll - you guys are the bomb, honestly, awesome, thank you for entertaining me in my hour of need - and then clicked over to MSN to play a little game or two before heading back to the late eighties, where my inlaws insist on living.

So, I pull up MSN. Then, I click "Games" to get to the main games page. Then I select "Puzzle Games" and wait for that page to load. Once I am on "Puzzle Games", I scroll to find the name of the game I want, and click it. I get an ad, with a click-here-to-continue button, so I click it. Money is now leaking out of my pocketbook. My ATM card gets up and walks out on its own. Anyway, clicking the "continue" button brings me to the main page for the game itself, where I have to select from Play Game? Download Game? and Play for REAL Cash? I opt to play the fucking game - what a shocker! - and am rewarded with a pop-up and a short wait, while MSN determines the state of my Active X controls. Once this is done, I get a black screen with the words Play Game? on it. I click...and finally, the game begins, as I die on the floor of a financial hemorrhage.

But...anyway. I found a Kinko's. Tomorrow I may invent a friend I have to go see in Greenville and hit the public library, which I have just discovered also has fast access. I might just hang for the day. Get some coffee...yeah. That sounds good.

Spartan. Burg. They ain't lyin'.

Posted by Queenie at February 23, 2005 07:40 PM

Thank Gawd you're a junkie. I don't know how much longer I could take.

Besides, it totally puts my addiction in perspective. I feel more validated now. ; )

Posted by: Key at February 23, 2005 09:57 PM

The best thing to ever come out of Spartanburg is US-221. At least Gaffney has the giant peach/asscrack thing.

Posted by: Lt. Dan at February 23, 2005 10:02 PM

We are the Borg...

There's my nerd cred. And what's a red-hatter? They use Linux?

Posted by: Bane at February 24, 2005 01:17 AM

Whew! I'm glad to hear it! My Queenie fix was getting low...

Posted by: WarWagon at February 24, 2005 11:08 AM
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