March 16, 2005

People Are Idiots, Vol. MCLVII

Fresh from the mailbag: a mis-spelled and poorly-constructed e-missive that asks, in picaresque style, just exactly what the fuck I have against blind people and illiterates, and why I think they should not be allowed to eat at McDonald's like everyone else. No, really. I'm not kidding. It''s so ridiculously funny that I find myself opening the mail again and again, just to make sure it's really there. I called Mister MacFarland and read it to him at work. Solid-gold blog comedy. The whole thing is so funny that, were the author one jot less enraged with me, I'd be inclined to think that it was one of y'all having me on.

Yes...the force of the criticism overwhelms me...I admit it...I just hate blind people...always have. They're always out there showing off their, um, blind stuff, like those, um, dogs. And that damn Braille. Work of the Devil. Oh, and don't get me started on illiterates, with their Illiterate Agenda, pushed by Hollywood and The Media...they want to eat your brains, you know, and the brains of your babies. Illiterates, I mean. Braaaaains.


Now that I've had a little time to think about it, my reaction to that piece of e-mail fluctuates. I've gone from pissing-the-chair laughter to a sort of cold, tight, fear. What if the author of it breeds? And you think they let him have a driver's license? The mind boggles. Bloggles.

Posted by Queenie at March 16, 2005 04:16 PM

I hate'em all plus the friggin cripples, twitching and limping all over the place. Geez, a girl can't even go to McDonald's anymore to get away from the freak show.

Does this qualify as sarcasm? I hope so, when I grow up I want to be just like Queenie. I adore you girl, wish I was a lesbo.

Posted by: BeeBee at March 16, 2005 04:37 PM

If nobody reads it to them, how can they be offended?

Posted by: Bane at March 16, 2005 07:39 PM

Ah, you assume your readers are going to read between the lines, give you the benefit of the doubt, and last but not least, "get it."

Heh, some of us do. The rest are fodder.

(Also, there are those who have it all, but rarely comment. - ahem- I won't mention any names.)

Posted by: Key at March 16, 2005 08:21 PM

.. that brain thing is scary.. damn illiterate agenda..

Posted by: Eric at March 17, 2005 07:56 AM

Now you've made me feel guilty about going down the road to the Florida School for the Deaf and Blind and practicing my ventriloquism.

"Georgia, Georgia..."

"No! Over here! Helen Keller signed her orgasms!"

"Bats! Christ! Look out for the bats!"

That sort of thing. I am a sad, sad clown.

Posted by: Velociman at March 17, 2005 06:52 PM

Dude...really sorry you shot yourself. But your after-party rawked! man. Jus sayin...

Posted by: Bane at March 18, 2005 02:39 AM
Post a comment

Remember personal info?