I went to see my parents around lunchtime today. Mom is on a big health kick. It's kind of a joke, since my mother, at sixty-four, is a tiny little woman with very little body fat. But, don't tell her she looks good already; she's on a Journey of Self-Improvement. She's been working out at a "ladies only" gym with her neighborhood cronies, counting "points" for Weight Watchers, and always wears a pedometer, counting the calories she burns while she's doing laundry or going to have a pee or whatever. She also bought one of these hyper-accurate ounce-counter scales - honestly, the thing looks like something out of a sci-fi flick - and was pleased to tell me that she'd lost six pounds.
Of course, mom being mom, nothing would do but that I slip off my shoes and hop on the scale. Oh, she pretends like she wants to show me how great her new scale is - and I protest by saying I won't be able to tell, anyway, because I don't even know how much I weigh (a lie) - but both of us know that she's really just dying to know exactly how much I weigh.
Sigh. It's a thing. Don't ask.
Finally, I acquiesce, as I almost always do - she wants it so badly and it costs me so little to let her triumph in the fact that she still weighs less than me (which has always been a specious comparison, since she is all of five feet tall and has bones like twigs, while I'm half a foot taller and have regular-sized bones). But hey, let her have happiness where she finds it. She's my mom.
So, I hop up on the damned thing. For a split second, I thought I'd broken mom's new toy, because the scale suddenly stopped, a good ways below where it normally does. I act all cool about it - that's part of it, never evincing surprise or disappointment over stuff like this in front of mom because then she wants to "talk" and "cry it out" and "advise" me on How to be Healthy, ugh - but damn. Lo and behold!
I've lost a few ounces shy of twenty pounds since I got shitcanned from my job. That was the last time I weighed, at the doctor's office, two days before the call came for us to clean out our desks.
It's been, what? Two months? Ten pounds a month?
I couldn't believe it. I came home and weighed on my own, not-so-technologically-advanced scale - and whaddaya know? Same thing there. I hadn't noticed that my jeans were getting baggy, and my black suit - which I haven't worn since I lost my job (I interview in navy blue) - is hanging off my frame.
Shit. I need a job and all, but...twenty pounds? If this is all it takes for me to lose weight, I should get fired more often. That's a perker-upper.
Constant, nagging financial uncertainty does have its privileges!
Posted by Queenie at April 3, 2005 06:01 PMI lost 20 pounds when I got fired two years ago. The bad news is I've gained it all back and then some in the last six months. It's really pissing me off to go up a pants size when I've worn a 34 for the last 20 years. Argggh.
But I haven't been exercising since I got gainful employment...
Posted by: Circa Bellum at April 3, 2005 07:17 PMGod, your mother sounds so familiar. Mine is four foot eleven and three quarter inches tall (she'll *swear* 5'1") and I've outweighed her since 7th grade.
Twenty pounds in two months? Good grief...are you actually consuming food?
Posted by: Jennifer at April 3, 2005 07:53 PMHeh. I've lost thirty pounds in the last 9 months, all work-related. Stress diets suck, but I'll take what I can get. Just had to buy eight pairs of pants and three belts, though. Ran out of notches. Mysterious ways. Don't try to understand, just revel.
Posted by: Velociman at April 3, 2005 08:45 PMNPR just did a show on people who get fired (and often prosper).
You sound really sweet to your mother.
Posted by: SQ at April 3, 2005 09:23 PMDamn, maybe I should bet a job so I can get fired. :o)
Posted by: dawn at April 5, 2005 09:35 PMQueenie, after readin' the post about you over shootin' your minute limit, maybe next month you ought to get a jaw-ometer. Maybe you're losin' weight as you speek. Good luck with the job hunt.
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