October 30, 2005

Splat

I'd had this leak in my ceiling for months. It started as the tiniest trickle of water - plop, plop, plash - during a heavy rainstorm, and as the days went by, it got bigger and bigger and bigger, until finally it was a huge brown shit-stain over my head, one that I contemplated every evening as I lay me down to sleep.

The year was 1996, and I'd just moved back to the southland from three years in California. I was a beaten woman, emotionally, intellectually, spiritually; I'd just been through the death of my best friend, my mother's bout with breast cancer, and the ugliest breakup of my life. I'd also left my job on the west coast to grim prospects on the east, had few friends to lean on, had decided to embrace celibacy as a remedy to my broken heart, and had only begun to feel the effects of a recurring illness that plagues me, off and on, to this very day. In short, I was miserable.

The shit-stain, then, was apropos. I'd moved into this apartment after nursing mama back to health - or irritating her to the point at which she was willing to leave the bed, one of the two - having recently found a suitable job in my field. I was traveling a lot, too much for my taste, two or three weeks out of the month. Exotic locales, too, like Nicholasville, Kentucky, Paramus, New Jersey, Yuma, Arizona, and Lafayette, Louisiana. I'd come home, always alone, to dusty sheets and a pissed-off cat, angry at being left to my flighty neighbor's care. It was a sad time, a low ebb, even for Queenie.

I'd been on the apartment manager's ass, constantly. Endless calls, interminable bickering about the repair of the shit-stain. They'd claim they'd sent a guy, that everything should be fine, now...and then as soon as it'd rain, a steady stream of water that filled bucket after bucket. I'd demand a roofer, a plasterer, and they'd send a zit-faced teenager with some spackle, who'd look, slack-jawed, at my decaying ceiling and smear on a layer of crap. Crap which would, of course, be tinkling at the bottom of my leak-bucket during the next rainstorm. It just never got any better, and after every business trip I could see that it had grown in my absence.

November saw me spending most of my time on a particularly heinous assignment in Chicago. One Friday afternoon, after escaping the death-hold of O'Hare in the snow, I found myself struggling up the stairs to my apartment, dragging my Samsonite behind me. I wobbled on the doorstep, exhausted, one hand automatically reaching to crank up the heater, the other fumbling at my suit jacket. Shortly, though, I was feeling better; a hot bath, some Chicken Vindaloo from the Indian delivery place, a few bong hits, and I'd convinced myself that I might live.

I was tired, so I went to bed early, a light freezing rain making music against my window-panes as I drifted off. It was divine, to be back in my very own bed, away from the anonymous noisiness and scratchy sheets of the cheapo hotels my company allowed me to expense. I got up to pee once, setting out a bucket to catch anything that might seep out of the shit-stain, quickly snuggling myself back under the comforter and back into the surcease of sleep. Ahh. Home.

I bolted awake and upright to a ripping sound, not unlike the sound of an extremely loud zipper. I looked up, and ZZZZZZZZPLAT! My entire ceiling collapsed right on my face, the shit-stain having become thousands of bits of excrement-looking stuff, floating in the freezing black water that was now all over my linens, my floor, my furniture, my self - everything. I sputtered and cussed, leaping out of the sack and sliding across the icy lake that had been my bedroom to call the apartment manager. Who, of course, wasn't answering his phone at four in the morning. There was nothing I could do but close the door on the mess, shower off, and leave the warm comfort that had been my bedroom behind me. I slept out the night on the too-narrow, uncomfortable sofa, only slightly preferable to sleeping on a plane.

They never did fix that ceiling, either. I had to move out, had to hire a lawyer just to get them to pay for the belongings that were destroyed in the collapse...which, of course, resulted in a net loss for Queenie.

Why am I telling you all this?

I have a metaphorical shit-stain hanging over my head right now. No, I don't have a roof leak, but something in my life is rotting right before my very eyes, and I'm completely powerless to stop it. There's no apartment manager to call, not even a mouth-breathing teenager with a can of caulk to come to my aid. I don't know what to do, I've not got the slightest clue how one handles a foundational breakdown of this magnitude. And every night, as I lay me down to sleep, the shit-stain has grown a millimeter or two. And I, like an idiot, just lay on down underneath it and sigh, knowing that, one of these days, the whole fucking thing is going to come crashing down on my head, leaving me cold, and alone once again.

Posted by Queenie at October 30, 2005 02:00 AM | TrackBack
Comments

Two choices, I think.

1. Move.

or

2. Utilize your nascent carpentry skills, purchase some tools, and fix it yourself. Maybe a friend or two could come over and help.

or maybe...

3. Move in with me, under my leaky roof, and we'll try to find a way to explain the new tenants to the wife and kids.

If it weren't for these pesky thousands of miles, I'd be there with hammer in hand.

Tonight.

Posted by: Bane at October 30, 2005 02:21 AM

hugs.

There really is bound to be a solution, though it may be difficult to find. You can e-mail me and I'll brain-storm with you. I'm sorry for whatever is going on.

Posted by: Rachel Ann at October 30, 2005 04:33 AM

I've had so many shit-stain dilemmas, I've got a list of How-to's to apply. Everything from insolent children and marriage issues to idiotic, stubborn business partners, deadbeat clients and duplicitous friends.

The one thing I don't have any more that I do miss once in a while is the bong.

Wanna borrow the How-to list?

Posted by: wavemaker at October 30, 2005 08:06 AM

I'm not a therapist, but here's my free expert advice:

1. Alcohol. Mmm...alcohol.
2. Threesome. This can be applied to any problem in your life, though most people think it's only good for relationship problems. Think outside the box. Problems at home? Threesome. Broken dishwasher? Have a threesome and then tackle the problem. Boss at work being a dick? Call over two friends and get it on with them. Threesomes just make everything better. Except marriages. But if your marriage is fucked, I mean, you might as well have a threesome right?

Posted by: shank at October 30, 2005 11:45 AM

I love you and I'm thinking of you, babe.

You know where I am if you need me.

xoxo

Posted by: Margi at October 30, 2005 12:16 PM

Youch! That sucks. Whatever is causing the stain I hope you get it found and resolved before the whole ceiling drops on you. Maybe with the whole roof attached. (Bigger Youch!)

And hopefully, it isn't some pimple-encrusted teenager showing up to do the job.

May the luck be with you.

Posted by: Wichi Dude at October 30, 2005 12:34 PM

Don't know what the problem is, but I'm adding you to my prayer list ASAP. Just hold on.

Posted by: Omnibus Driver at October 30, 2005 08:20 PM

Thinking of you...

Posted by: Dana at October 31, 2005 09:39 AM

interracial gifts interracial xxx brunettes anal sex hot brunette teen shaved teen pussy girls haircuts short and shaved free black porn black and white anal rape incest rape free adult passwords pregnant sex anal masturbation real female masturbation gay gallery gay spanking movie ratings lesbian movie sample nude art nude lesbians young naked jennifer aniston naked busty amateurs amateur video clips video games music video free scat pictures scat play asian beaver big asian tits disney lesbian toons lesbian 69 dbz hentai sex anime amanda bynes in a bikini bikini pics hooters pantyhose upskirt pantyhose lez redhead naked redhead closeup mariah carey closeup vaginal penetration hentai fuck what the fuck young tits girls breasts pamela anderson pussy little pussy incest cartoons free cartoon sex panty pissing pee sex pornstars r us star wars porn free bondage stories bondage art boy cock monster cock forced sex group sex petite blonde blonde pretty girl tranny gallery tranny pics mature adult mature fucking gangbang sex anal gangbang hardcore sex videos cathy barry hardcore girls fucking girls gone wild celebrity tits celebrity sex videos anime porn disney porn free voyeur web voyeur cams people having sex with animals beastiality porn porn for women muscular women adult movie adult free video clip ass licking lesbian butt fucking girl model girl models anal creampie teen anal teen thumbnails teen bikini incest grrl free incest pics dirty latina maids latinas desnudas blowjob mpegs blowjob video nfl cheerleader having sex cheerleader nude drunk babes horny babes fat nude bbw anal cum drinkers internal cumshots jennifer lopez pictures hilary duff naked college girl webcams girl cams free sex pics

Posted by: horse sex at June 28, 2006 07:17 PM

interracial gifts interracial xxx brunettes anal sex hot brunette teen shaved teen pussy girls haircuts short and shaved free black porn black and white anal rape incest rape free adult passwords pregnant sex anal masturbation real female masturbation gay gallery gay spanking movie ratings lesbian movie sample nude art nude lesbians young naked jennifer aniston naked busty amateurs amateur video clips video games music video free scat pictures scat play asian beaver big asian tits disney lesbian toons lesbian 69 dbz hentai sex anime amanda bynes in a bikini bikini pics hooters pantyhose upskirt pantyhose lez redhead naked redhead closeup mariah carey closeup vaginal penetration hentai fuck what the fuck young tits girls breasts pamela anderson pussy little pussy incest cartoons free cartoon sex panty pissing pee sex pornstars r us star wars porn free bondage stories bondage art boy cock monster cock forced sex group sex petite blonde blonde pretty girl tranny gallery tranny pics mature adult mature fucking gangbang sex anal gangbang hardcore sex videos cathy barry hardcore girls fucking girls gone wild celebrity tits celebrity sex videos anime porn disney porn free voyeur web voyeur cams people having sex with animals beastiality porn porn for women muscular women adult movie adult free video clip ass licking lesbian butt fucking girl model girl models anal creampie teen anal teen thumbnails teen bikini incest grrl free incest pics dirty latina maids latinas desnudas blowjob mpegs blowjob video nfl cheerleader having sex cheerleader nude drunk babes horny babes fat nude bbw anal cum drinkers internal cumshots jennifer lopez pictures hilary duff naked college girl webcams girl cams free sex pics

Posted by: horse sex at June 28, 2006 07:18 PM

interracial gifts interracial xxx brunettes anal sex hot brunette teen shaved teen pussy girls haircuts short and shaved free black porn black and white anal rape incest rape free adult passwords pregnant sex anal masturbation real female masturbation gay gallery gay spanking movie ratings lesbian movie sample nude art nude lesbians young naked jennifer aniston naked busty amateurs amateur video clips video games music video free scat pictures scat play asian beaver big asian tits disney lesbian toons lesbian 69 dbz hentai sex anime amanda bynes in a bikini bikini pics hooters pantyhose upskirt pantyhose lez redhead naked redhead closeup mariah carey closeup vaginal penetration hentai fuck what the fuck young tits girls breasts pamela anderson pussy little pussy incest cartoons free cartoon sex panty pissing pee sex pornstars r us star wars porn free bondage stories bondage art boy cock monster cock forced sex group sex petite blonde blonde pretty girl tranny gallery tranny pics mature adult mature fucking gangbang sex anal gangbang hardcore sex videos cathy barry hardcore girls fucking girls gone wild celebrity tits celebrity sex videos anime porn disney porn free voyeur web voyeur cams people having sex with animals beastiality porn porn for women muscular women adult movie adult free video clip ass licking lesbian butt fucking girl model girl models anal creampie teen anal teen thumbnails teen bikini incest grrl free incest pics dirty latina maids latinas desnudas blowjob mpegs blowjob video nfl cheerleader having sex cheerleader nude drunk babes horny babes fat nude bbw anal cum drinkers internal cumshots jennifer lopez pictures hilary duff naked college girl webcams girl cams free sex pics

Posted by: horse sex at June 28, 2006 07:18 PM

free granny porn mature asian carmen electra nude nudist community photos free porn movies free beastiality movies fucking toons toon porn pictures big ass jennifer lopez jennifer lopez ass free shemale shemale videos sarah jessica parker nude avril lavigne nude teen model portfolios brazilian models redhead lesbians hairy redhead pussy free gay sex pics gay teens teen lesbian nudist teens pee sex pee movies celebrity pussy celebrity pictures shaved genitals shaved beaver shots hardcore sex pokemon sex black penis black betty pink pornstar pornstar pictures free pantyhose pictures pantyhose women interracial gang interracial movie clips young lesbian girls asian lesbian huge pussy free black pussy usher music video free sex video scat story sick shit free celebrities upskirt tennis upskirts rape galleries stories of rape beastiality cartoons zoophilia futurama porn free porn ball torture sex torture fat models body fat testers masturbation methods solo masturbation fuck fest group fuck gay blowjobs lesbian oral huge cocks dick in pussy amateur movies amateur allure bikini girls on cars bikini dare facial cumshots cum on face naked wife naked babes extreme anal fucking anal induced orgasm live cam nanny cams nude asian women asian milf up close nude vagina closeup pussy old babes babes in skimpy thongs anime nude erotic anime college cheerleaders dirty cheerleaders adult disney free adult brunette nude free nude brunettes girls nude girls having sex young blondes blonde tits incest mom incest girl hardcore sex videos free hardcore movies free adult chatroom nude beaches small tits flat tits latin babes latina porn women of wrestling nude hot women gang bang bang bus girls free sex video clips

Posted by: free sex movies at June 28, 2006 07:19 PM

tranny porn shemale poonfarm cheerleader lesbians having sex hot cheerleaders and teens interracial gang interracial porno naked young girls brittany spears naked beastiality videos free animal sex videos free hardcore fucking movie clips free hardcore xxx porn shaved cocks shaved heads pornstar scope black porn stars blowjob video clips free samples horse blowjob very young porn free lesbian porn asian tgp nude asian girls free webcams web cam sex vagina gallery close up close up vulva boy sex sex quiz eliza dushku nude neve campbell nude girls in revealing bikinis bikini swimwear anal orgasm anal dildo natural redheads redhead bj incest erotic stories mother incest female breast women who show their breasts fat girls in thongs fat recovery amateur facial wife amateur gangbang amateur gangbang girls having sex group sex nude blonde blonde girl gallery teen ass teens naked nudist girls nude photography bikini babes latex babes dirty cartoons free cartoon porn cock and ball torture bondage sex free gay movies movies showtimes pissing pics public pissing free gay porn gay cumshots swallow cum horse cum swallowing petite brunettes brunettes fucking ls models exotic swimsuit models upskirt video ampland upskirts huge dicks massive cocks fucking women vagina taste little girl vaginas cute girls asian girls in thongs free hentai manga misty hentai sexy women women stripping galleries gangbang mpegs bang boat sex enema videos tip drill video latina ass latinas cherry jennifer lopez ass teen tight ass free mature galleries mature xxx lesbian porno free lesbian sex free shit scat crankshaft rape sex stories rape gallery women masturbate tip for women on how to masturbate celebrity oops galleries celebrity oops galleries please fuck my wife public fuck black betty black women in thongs adults breastfeeding adult cartoon pantyhose movies teens in pantyhose dog sex

Posted by: family sex at June 28, 2006 07:19 PM

tranny porn shemale poonfarm cheerleader lesbians having sex hot cheerleaders and teens interracial gang interracial porno naked young girls brittany spears naked beastiality videos free animal sex videos free hardcore fucking movie clips free hardcore xxx porn shaved cocks shaved heads pornstar scope black porn stars blowjob video clips free samples horse blowjob very young porn free lesbian porn asian tgp nude asian girls free webcams web cam sex vagina gallery close up close up vulva boy sex sex quiz eliza dushku nude neve campbell nude girls in revealing bikinis bikini swimwear anal orgasm anal dildo natural redheads redhead bj incest erotic stories mother incest female breast women who show their breasts fat girls in thongs fat recovery amateur facial wife amateur gangbang amateur gangbang girls having sex group sex nude blonde blonde girl gallery teen ass teens naked nudist girls nude photography bikini babes latex babes dirty cartoons free cartoon porn cock and ball torture bondage sex free gay movies movies showtimes pissing pics public pissing free gay porn gay cumshots swallow cum horse cum swallowing petite brunettes brunettes fucking ls models exotic swimsuit models upskirt video ampland upskirts huge dicks massive cocks fucking women vagina taste little girl vaginas cute girls asian girls in thongs free hentai manga misty hentai sexy women women stripping galleries gangbang mpegs bang boat sex enema videos tip drill video latina ass latinas cherry jennifer lopez ass teen tight ass free mature galleries mature xxx lesbian porno free lesbian sex free shit scat crankshaft rape sex stories rape gallery women masturbate tip for women on how to masturbate celebrity oops galleries celebrity oops galleries please fuck my wife public fuck black betty black women in thongs adults breastfeeding adult cartoon pantyhose movies teens in pantyhose dog sex

Posted by: family sex at June 28, 2006 07:20 PM
Post a comment









Remember personal info?